Being the loving and caring person she is, Elena recently came up with a collection of sugary software apps to help you schmooze your sweetheart this Valentine’s day. Being the vengeful and hate-ridden person I am, I’ve put together a batch of programs that will help you launch a campaign of terror on your worst enemies on Feb 14th. After all, who can say they’ve experienced true love if they’ve never tasted the bitter bile of pure loathing?
Don’t worry, we’re not going to physically harm your anti-Valentine, we’ll just ruffle them up a bit pyschologically. After choosing your victim (preferably a jobsworth co-worker, annoying sibling or nerdy schoolpal) start installing some software on their machine. My favoured first strike would be MBoX, which lets you create fake Windows error messages to confuse and annoy your victim. Watch in amusement as they seeth with anger when you’ve programmed a message to tell them they’re too brainless to operate their PC.
Another good one for inducing computer rage is Add/Remove, a prank program that makes your despised-one think that all of the software on their computer is being removed using the Windows Add/Remove Program feature. This gag is so real, it will shock even the most experienced user.
OK, so by now your nemesis is getting a bit hot under the collar. Time to up the embarrassment factor by installing Random Burper while they’re away from their desk. Now revel with glee as disgusting noises emit from their speakers with everyone thinking that your victim is the culprit.
Right then, they’ve probably feld to the toilet in tears at this point, so lets hit them with another attack. Load I Hate This Key onto their computer, which allows you to disable certain keys on the keyboard. Pick a common one such as ‘e’or ‘a’ and wait for them to come back and try finishing that report/homework assignment in time.
Finally, I like to compound my enemy’s misery with some classic vandalism. Desktop Graffitist allows you to daub slanderous obscenities across their screen. Remember to keep with the Valentines tradition by not revealing your name when you write, or next year you could be receiving similar gifts of hate.