The E.T. game for Atari is one of the worst video games in history… but it’s not even the worst E.T. video game

By now, we should all know that the decline of Atari and the first major video game crisis was caused by a combination of problems (including uncontrolled growth and reckless spending) that, to summarize, were exemplified in a single cartridge: E.T., a video game that was such a failure that, along with other unsold titles, ended up being buried in the New Mexico desert. 1982 and Steven Spielberg’s extraterrestrial became part of the industry’s dark legend… And yet, in the long run, it wasn’t even the worst game that adapted that movie.

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My home, my console

In fact, some say that the big problem with Atari’s E.T. is trying to play it without reading the instruction manual. Once read and understood, it’s not that it’s good, but at least it’s playable and makes some sense. And we tend to forget it amidst the laughter and pop pointing, but initially, it was a success and sold more than a million units. Not bad for a game that was made in just a month (perhaps the fastest-made mainstream title in history) and that could have been a simple remake of Pac-Man, as Spielberg wanted, but it tried to go further.

The final outcome is more or less known to everyone: the video game industry experienced its biggest crisis to date, and all the consoles that tried to compete at that time (Intellivision, Colecovision, Atari 5200) couldn’t recover. For a year, until the release of the NES, the industry was considered a risk for anyone who wanted to invest in it. And over the years, who was put in the crosshairs? Indeed: E.T.

No one in their right mind would think of repeating the fiasco and re-adapting the movie in question, right? If you answered yes, then you don’t understand Hollywood’s imperative need (and the entertainment industry in general) to desperately build franchises. On one hand, they were trying to pressure Spielberg to make a sequel, but luckily he knew how to destroy the idea from its origin by proposing an absolute perversion of the original.

On the other hand, William Kotzwinkle had written an official sequel, The Book of the Green Planet, in which E.T. arrived at his planet, Brodo Asogi, where he was sent into exile and broke all the rules to try to return to Earth, where Elliott had already become a teenager and was not interested in his friend’s matters. This literary sequel led to an attraction at Universal Studios Florida, where the biggest innovation was that E.T. said goodbye to people by saying their name. If they were exploring sequels, books, and attractions, how could there not be more video games?

Trying once again

In 1983, during the height of the crisis, Atari 2600 tried to milk the cow with E.T. Go Home!, a video game originally titled UFI and His Dangerous Mission, which they renamed hoping someone would take the bait. It was, indeed, a disaster, but it seems it didn’t give Atari enough clues that the franchise simply wasn’t profitable, because shortly after, E.T. Phone Home! was released, in which Elliott had to find the pieces his friend needed to go home. You could finish it in seven minutes, and it was as fun as staring out the window, only with an irritating soundtrack added.

It took almost two decades for someone to dare to release something related to the cursed franchise again. In this case, it was Game Boy Color, which with E.T.: Escape from Planet Earth revisited the same concepts as the previous disasters. Once again, the task was to find the different parts of E.T.’s communicator so he could leave Earth, although this time they managed to create something a bit different: a basic strategy game based on mazes that… Frankly? It could be worse. As was demonstrated later, on the other hand.

In 2002, a game for PlayStation (E.T.: Interplanetary Mission) was released, filled with puzzles for children, which didn’t hide much more inside but was, at least, playable. In the last days of Game Boy Color, however, a title arrived that divided the (few) who played it: E.T. and the Cosmic Garden, in which our favorite extraterrestrial had to plant, water, and keep at bay the bugs that wanted to eat his plants. Just what one imagines when thinking of E.T!

The worst E.T. game

In fact, it even had a sort of remake in an app that tried to capitalize on the success of Farmville but with the extraterrestrial as the protagonist: The Green Planet, which was supposed to pay tribute to the movie on its 30th anniversary. And what is the best way to pay tribute to it? Exactly: by doing something that doesn’t resemble it at all.

Previously, we had a couple of computer games: E.T.: Phone Home Adventure, a graphic adventure where (watch out for the innovation!) he had to collect the pieces of his transmitter to return to his planet. The same storyline in all E.T. video games since the Atari one. But of course, innovating was even worse. The proof is another title, which is probably the worst ever created with the character as the protagonist: Do you know E.T. Away From Home?

Neither you nor practically anyone else: the game, released only for computer, is a disaster with absurd puzzles for which you had to roll dice and save our favorite alien in the most crude, wildly unfinished, and amateurish way possible. If you thought the Atari E.T. was a horror, it’s because you haven’t yet opened the gates of hell (luckily for you). If you dare, take a look. But, of course, at your own risk: if the Atari one was created in a month, this one doesn’t seem more polished. Especially for games that were already coming out in 2002! After all, this was the same year as Super Mario Sunshine or Metroid Prime: How is it possible that someone consciously decided to play E.T: Away From Home?

It is an absolutely indescribable game, tremendously unknown, and it makes the Atari one almost a masterpiece. However, it leaves us with a question in the air: Will we ever have a good E.T. game? The answer seems doomed to be “No.”

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