10 mostly useless Windows apps

The Web is full of handy software applications that can contribute to make your life a bit easier. Whatever your need is, it’ll probably take you only a few minutes of Googling to find a suitable program for it. But if you look further, you’ll see there are other applications the aim of which is not precisely to be useful and efficient. In fact, there are a quite a few of these useless programs that seem to have been created for no reason at all – or at least, for no sane reason. Here are some examples I found on the Web, though I’m sure you’ll know many more.

Alien Communicator – Believe or not, ‘the truth is out there’. And if you want to find it, you better start contacting aliens right now. When you run this tool, aliens will be able to communicate telepathically with you and leave messages by controlling the number generation capabilities of your PC.

10 useless software tools

Voice Lie Detector – If you think your partner or your kids are not completely sincere, you need a lie detector. This program uses an old algorithm to detect voice stress, an unmistakable signal that will enable you to discover if you’re being lied to.

Parrot Trainer – So you have a parrot, but can’t be bothered to train it by yourself? Let your PC do the hard work for you! This app repeats the same sound over and over again until your parrot learns them by heart. According to the developer, you can also use to nag your kids, husband, wife… What’s more, it comes with four sound samples recorded by the developer himself.

Fake Progress Bar – We all need to take a break off work from time to time, but if your boss doesn’t understand this need, you may want to use this app. It displays a customizable fake progress bar with which you can fool anyone into believing your PC is busy – and therefore you can’t do any work right now.

10 useless software tools

Ultrafobos – Are you tired of mosquitoes biting you every summer night? This app can help you get rid of them, by making your PC emit a sound signal at certain high frequencies. These sounds are supposed to be annoy mosquitoes and flies, thus scaring them away from you. This means sadly that you have to spend the whole summer beside your computer…

Mousotron – I don’t understand why would anybody need to know the distance their mouse travels everyday, but yes, there’s an app for that. This one lets you track the miles and clicks done by your mouse, as well as upload those scores online and compare them to those achieved by other people. Unbelievable.

Clippy – We’ve all had nightmares with the stupid clip-shaped assistant in Office, but apparently there are people who miss him and want him back. If you’re one of them you can always install this app and enjoy a customizable version of Clippy that stays on your desktop and talks to you every now and then.

10 useless software tools

HypnoTrainer – We already covered PCs and hypnosis a while ago, but this program goes a bit beyond. It teaches you the basics of hypnosis: the ability to focus one’s attention. The developer describes it as more than just “a simple circling spiral” and warns us that this is not a toy, so bear that in mind and don’t blame us for the consequences of hypnotizing yourself.

Airplane Factory – I’ve never been that much into paper airplanes – I’m more of a paper boat person. But for those of you who are, this app might conceivably be handy. It helps you design paper airplanes on your computer and decorate them with decals and insignia. Then you only have to print them out, build them and enjoy the flight!

10 useless software tools

Neuro Enhancer – One of the most original and also scary apps I’ve seen. According to the developer, this tool helps you program your mind by means of subliminal messages. It features several self-help modules to enable you to fight anxiety, stress, obesity and more. I’m not sure how subliminal messages can help me reach peace of mind – not to mention the fact that I’m not that confident about ‘programming’ my mind.

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