I’ve come very close to deleting my Facebook profile several times and I agree with many of the points raised by Tom in his 5 Reasons I Deleted My Facebook Profile. However, to keep my finger from the trigger, I’m going to get all of my frustrations out of my system in a blog post about the top 5 things that really annoy me on Facebook.
1 – People who “Like” their own status updates
I cannot think of anything more self-congratulatory (and frankly a bit creepy) than people who “Like” their own genius status updates. It’s either complete arrogance or these people are in some kind of schizoid relationship with themselves constantly updating their status and then going onto their own profile page to “Like” what they’ve just written. Do these people go around in real life saying things to friends and then psychotically following it up with, “Do you like what I just said? I like what I just said”. It reminds me of an old Harry Enfield sketch about a Yorkshireman who proudly boasts, “I’m a Yorkshireman – I say what I like and I bloody well like what I say”. It’s sickening.
2 – People who poke
Poking is possibly the most insulting thing anyone can ever do to you on Facebook. I mean, what is a “Poke” meant to symbolize on Facebook anyway? It reminds of something young siblings would do to annoy and wind each other up until one of them cries. If you can’t be bothered to write a message to me, or can´t even be bothered to post something on my wall, then please don’t bother. I don’t poke, never have poked, don’t respond to pokes. No poking.
3 – People who constantly post game score updates
I do not care how many points or animals you’ve farmed in Farmville. I don’t care how many runs or LBWs you get on some cricket game. And I don’t care how many points you just won at Scrabble. So why do you invade my Facebook News Feed with them? Yes, I know it’s all automated and posted automatically to your status update but there must be someway of deactivating it. And yes I know I can hide them but I do not want to have to scroll through and hide 20 game score updates before finding the genuine status updates of my friends. And why broadcast the score anyway? Are you looking for a Nobel Prize for “harvesting your chicken coup and finding some white mystery eggs and want to thank your friends for feeding your chickens” on Farmville for example?
4 – People who only paste baby photos
Now, I’ve got to be careful here as it’s a sensitive subject and I’m likely to get accused of being in favor of infanticide or something if I’m misunderstood. Let’s get this straight – I have no problem with friends posting photos of their new born babies on their profile. In fact, I love to seem them – babies are wonderful things. But what I have a problem with is when friends stop posting photos of themselves and only post pictures of their baby. I’m not friends with your baby – I’m friends with you and I want to see how you are doing. Of course, throwing in some baby photos here and there is great but not every time. If that’s too hard, give the baby it’s own Facebook profile for goodness sake and then go back to posting photos of you on your profile as before.
5 – People who change their name to something silly
I’m not even sure how you do this on Facebook but please stop it. It’s hard enough scrolling through Facebook sometimes without people changing their names to something “funny” so I don’t even know who they are anymore. Changing your name from “Steve Smith” to “Jingle Bells” or “Mr Horse” isn’t funny. It’s just annoying and confusing and suggests you think you’re far funnier than you actually are and probably a bit annoying. I don’t know how you go about doing this on Facebook – once you’ve chosen a name I thought you were stuck with it (at least you should be). So please, use your real name – you know, the one your parents gave you.